The Investor’s Prayer

My father, CAPITAL, who are on earth, Almighty God, who changest the course of rivers, tunnelest mountains, separatest contiguous shores, and meltest into one distant nations.  Creator of Merchandise, and Source of Life, oh, Thou, who rulest Kings and subjects, laborers and employers, may Thy Kingdom be for evermore on earth.  Give us plentiful purchasers to take our goods off our hands, without looking too closely whether these be genuine or shoddy, pure or adulterated.  Give us needy working people, who will accept the hardest work and the lowest pay without grumbling.  Send us gudgeons who may be allured by the tempting bait of our prospectuses, and ensnared in the network of our fair promises.  Cause our debtors to pay us their debts in full.  Lead us not into the penitentiary, but deliver us from bankruptcy, and grant us never ceasing dividends.  Amen.

Paul Lafargue (16 June 1842 – 26 November 1911), a French Marxist, was Karl Marx’s son-in-law.  This prayer is excerpted from his satire The Religion of Capital.

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