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Author Archive | Susie Day

Barbie’s Gay-Pride Shocker!

“Get out!  Get out of here and never come back!” shrieked an enraged Barbie, as she hurled a tiny bedroom slipper in my direction.  The dainty missile careened off an itty-bitty bust of Ken, then shattered the frame that held a photo of Barbie’s best friend, Midge.  “Take your Gay Pride and shove it!” Barbie’s […]

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The White Supremacist’s Guide to Social Inclusion

Are you anti-Semitic?  Hate black people?  Detest queers?  Do you feel there are too many “mongrels” in today’s society?  Dread the time when your race will no longer be in the majority?  When inferior, sub-human hordes desecrate the genteel values of Western Civilization and force you into the swamp to dig cinder-block bunkers?  Does your […]

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Jesus Quits as Evangelical Savior: My Biggest Scoop Ever!

(New York, NY)  At 11:00 EST last night, Jesus H. Christ interrupted regularly scheduled programs on every TV channel across the Western Hemisphere with a stunning simulcast announcement.  Effective immediately, Jesus stated, “I resign My post as Lord and Savior at every evangelical church or Christian organization that sponsors antigay legislation or seeks to deny […]

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Tarek Mehanna: His Tragic Immoderation

I have become a card-carrying, tax-paying moderate, thanks to a study I found in Politico.com.  In this study, psychologists Kaitlin Toner and Mark Leary discovered that the more extreme politicians’ views are, the more they think they’re right.  In fact, politicians’ “belief superiority” — the certainty that their own viewpoints are correct — was linked […]

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Orange Is Not New, and Prison Is Not Our Best Color

Twenty-five years ago, I, a hapless reporter on assignment, went to the DC Jail and met the woman who was to be my life’s partner.  I interviewed her about her political bombing case; we fell in love; I visited her in various prisons for 11 years; she was released; we’re now spending the rest of […]

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The Zimmerman Verdict: Three Uneasy Pieces

George Zimmerman Proclaimed Honorary White Man SANFORD, FL — The Volunteer Fire Department and the local chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution have united across class lines to declare George Zimmerman, recently acquitted of murdering African-American youth Trayvon Martin, an “Honorary White Dude.”  Mr. Zimmerman, whose driver’s license lists him as Hispanic, was […]

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Bradley Manning Blows Chance to Have Gay Wedding

Gay greetings, LGBT-town!  I’m your out-and-proud lesbian pundit.  You may recognize me from my latest blog entry, “How Gay Was My Condo.”  Today, I bring you a hard-hitting work of in-depth political analysis re: Private First Class Bradley Manning.  It seems some malcontents on the Board of San Francisco’s Gay Pride Parade have suggested Private […]

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Ericka Huggins and the Company We Keep

Like most of the white liberal-to-left elite, I am mesmerized by radical 1960s and ’70s activist groups such as SDS and the Weather Underground.  My auto-entrancement likely stems from a deep nostalgia for the glory days when 100,000 protesters could march on the Pentagon and nary a one could be linked to Al Qaeda. For […]

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Where Have All the Muslims Gone? The 2018 Hashmi Award

New York, N.Y., 2018 — Every year about this time, since way back in 2013, the City of New York has bestowed its prestigious Hashmi Award upon a worthy New York resident who lives openly as an observant Muslim.  The Hashmi recipient — preferably of Asian, Middle Eastern, or African descent — must have paid […]

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Zero Dark Thirty: The Woman’s Guide to Success Thru Torture

I. The Globe See the Globe.  More than half the 7 billion people on the Globe are women.  Women are different from men.  Why are women different from men?  Because, according to international humanitarian agencies, women have special percentages that stick out.  See women’s percentages: Women make up 70% of the world’s poor. Women do […]

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No Way in My Manger: A Public Service Annunciation

My name is Mary.  Not the Mary of Had-a-Little-Lamb fame.  Holy Mary. Or, if you will, Maria.  But not Maria as in The Sound of Music.  Ave Maria.  You know, Mother of God?  Queen of Heaven?  Our Lady of Perpetual Boundary Issues? You might remember me from such codependent masterpieces as the Pietà and nine […]

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All the News That Doesn’t Fit Anywhere Else

NYPD to Racially Profile White Males New York, NY — Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly announced today in a joint press conference that, following a recent study on race and “going-postal” homicides, the New York City Police Department will revamp its Stop and Frisk crime prevention policy by instructing officers to stop […]

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Todd Akin Inspires Perp Power Movement

KANSAS CITY, Mo. — By now it is well know that Missouri Representative Todd Akin explained his opposition to abortion, even in cases of rape, by saying that women who experience “a legitimate rape” can avoid pregnancy by telling their bodies to “shut that whole thing down.”  It is also well known that a firestorm […]

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Tito’s Class-Conscious Classifieds

In a recent PBS interview with Bill Moyers, journalist Chris Hedges discussed protest for social change.  “Revolt,” he said, apropos of salvaging a collapsing world, “is all we have.  It is our only hope.” I agree.  So would my friend Tito Gerassi, who believed all his life in revolution.  And, since rising unemployment is part […]

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Brain Surgery Excises Obama Ambivalence for Rads

NEW YORK, N.Y. — In what promises to be a real boost for the U.S. presidential incumbent, a team of doctors has devised a “miraculous” new method of brain surgery that purportedly will enable thousands of radical leftists, progressives, and revolutionaries to vote — on purpose — for Barack Obama in the fall election. The […]

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Living in Two Cities: Tarif and Evelyn Warren

On May 14, Evelyn Warren and Michael Tarif Warren, attorneys at law, held a press conference.  They stood outside the Brooklyn Federal Courthouse and announced that their case, Warren v. City of New York, had been settled.  They had dropped their lawsuit against the city and the NYPD officers who had beaten and arrested them […]

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Second Coming Shocker! Karl Marx Returns to Earth Instead of Jesus!

NEW YORK, NY — Millennial Christians and godless communists alike were stunned when nineteenth-century economist and revolutionary Karl Marx suddenly returned from the dead about two hours ago to land, in bodily form, at the corner of Nassau and Wall Streets. His appearance interrupted Occupy Wall Street protesters as they negotiated the preparations for an […]

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Dead Iraqis Occupy Wall Street

With the war in Iraq now officially over and the Occupy Wall Street movement less visible, life in New York was expected to return to normal.  Instead, several recent passersby in Manhattan’s financial district have reported seeing thousands of deceased Iraqi civilians taking up residence at Zuccotti Park.  The park served for two months in […]

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The Mad Activist Considers the New Jim Crow

Dear Social Justice Diary – My mind is blown.  I just read Michelle Alexander’s book, The New Jim Crow.  It’s about racism and the War on Drugs, all highly factual.  You can look at just two studies in the book and see a sort of “post-black” apartheid: In New Jersey, where 15% of drivers are […]

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